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If You Cannot Go To The Courts, What Can You Do? | Key Coaching Solutions

If You Can’t Go To The Courts, What Can You Do?

In practice you cannot avoid the courts totally, but they should be used as a last resort. If you consider your situation in terms of war then there are three possible outcomes:

1. One side wins.

2. Neither side wins or can win, but they stay in a state of hostility and fight a war of attrition.

3. Peace is negotiated.

The problem here is that if the mother has been given custody she has no reason to negotiate. But there are two cases where she might.

a. If she wants something from you.

It is obvious if she wants money, property, etc. This is common enough, but she may want something that is not obvious, and she is not prepared to tell you. It could be a change in attitude towards her. The above list of ‘Why mothers want to get rid of the father’ will offer some clues on this.

b. If it becomes too much of a problem.

This is where the courts can be useful. The nature of the system means that everything takes longer than it should. It will generally be inefficient – losing papers, adjourning hearings, sending the wrong forms, etc. This overall bumbling can be put to good use. If you have already lost your children, and effectively have nothing more to lose, then you can continually make new applications, query everything that comes along, send letters to her solicitor, demand ongoing information, etc. By keeping the issue going the mother will realise that you are not going to abandon your children. She may well feel that it is not worth the trouble, and eventually ease up on restrictions. Also remember that her life is not plain sailing. She will have problems. She or the children might be ill, and you are the only person around who can help. If you make it clear in all you correspondence that you are open to putting the past in the past then chance may well favour you.

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