Behaviour Patterns Of The Mother
(1) Arguing
(2) Hostile silence
(3) Restricted communication
(4) No communication
(5) Hostile action.
1. To insist that you come and go exactly at the times she stipulates. If you are late or early she will make you suffer for it in some way.
2. She will insist that you detail where you take the child and under what conditions. She will not inform you of anything she does with the child.
3. She will make changes to arrangements you have with the child but not give you these changes until the last minute. If you complain you will lose the contact time. If you have to change arrangements she will simple refuse to accept the changes and you will lose contact time.
4. She will deliberately offer the child alternative events on your days and then say the child has chosen the alternative event. She will make you choose to insist on your contact time or allow the child to do the other thing so that you will appear mean to stop the child.
5. She will duplicate gifts you give the child to undermine the value the child puts on it.
6. She will hide, break, or deliberately be careless with things you give your child.
7. She will deliberately misinterpret anything you do or say to the point where you will think twice about doing or saying anything.
8. She may ask for extra money for the child, and present the request in such a way that it obviously implies you will lose out on contact if you don’t make the offer.
9. She will write to inform you of changes in contact times but post the letter so that it cannot possibly reach you in time.
10. She will not keep you informed of the childs well being, education reports, activities or anything that you might expect as a parent.
11. If you do anything to help the child the mother may thank you in a way she might thank a stranger doing a favour.
12. Should you buy the child clothes she will criticise your taste or understanding of the childs needs.
13. She will criticise your home, friends, and life style. She will use any of these as an excuse to stop contact.
14. She will tell the child that the court ‘doesn’t allow it to see the father more than on the court order’ when in fact the court order only states the minimum contact time.
15. She will allow the child to miss homework during the week so that it has to be done in your contact time, so vying with anything else you will have arranged.
16. She will interpret your contact time as being the total amount of time available for all purposes. If your parents want to see their grandchild it will have to come out of your contact time.
17. If she sees you in the street when she is with the child she will ignore you and force the child to do the same.
18. If you participate in school/club events and see your child there she will tell your that you are not allowed to do it. She may well contact the school and inform them (incorrectly) that the court has banned you from such events.
19. If you have a new partner she will insist that the new partner is not involved in contact times as it distresses the child.
20. If you send your child gifts on special occasions they will get ‘overlooked’ on the day.
21. If you phone your child and she takes the phone she will say the child is busy or out. If the child takes the phone she will listen in or interrupt the child.
22. She will constantly remind you of your shortcomings as a father in front of the child. Any replies to this will be regarded as ‘rowing in front of the children’.
In all, the mother will look for any way of undermining your position in the knowledge that if you retaliate in kind she can stop contact and use your retaliation as evidence of your attitude towards her (not the child). It will be her intent to use such provocative behaviour to push you past your limits and act in a way that can be quoted against you.
KEEP A RECORD OF THESE INSTANCES. If she has a solicitor you might send it to him/her and ask for the mother to be reminded that such behaviour is disturbing to the child as well as provoking unnecessary rows. You may have to arrange to meet up in a neutral territory so that the mother has less chance of doing these things.
FNF gets hundreds of cases of PAS. The most common being a foreign wives or women with a history of emotional illness. In most cases the mother needs help. It seems that only a small percentage of mothers who indulge in PAS are normal, stable, and independent. These would more typically be professional women who have another partner and exploit loopholes in the law to get rid of the father. FNF also gets many letters from grandparents who lose their grandchildren, and second wives who suffer (often intentionally) from the mothers behaviour towards the father in using the children as weapons.
The reason fathers suffer is that most studies of broken families are carried out by women for women. This is not to say they are carried out against fathers but simply the fathers side has not been given full consideration. It is only now that this is happening, and is more the outcome of the Child Support Agency investigations than a study of fatherhood in itself. It is for this reason that FNF has to rely upon our members own experiences to get the information needed for progress to be made.
Full details of all of our coaching services will be available soon. Please free feel to send us an e-mail for more information Contact Us
Beating Parental Alienation Syndrome
- What Is Parental Alienation Syndrome?
- How Common Is PAS?
- Why Is PAS So Common?
- Why Don’t Court Welfare Officers Recognise The Situation??
- Is PAS Officially Recognised?
- Official Comments On PAS
- What Is The Best Legal Approach To PAS?
- What Can You Do?
- Why Does The Mother Want To Get Rid Of The Father?
- The Importance Of Knowing Why The Mother Does It
- What Are The Factors To Consider?
- Having A Plan Is Important
- Your Advantages
- Your Disadvantages
- The Mothers Advantages
- The Mothers Disadvantages
- The Children’s Advantages
- Outlining A Plan
- Behaviour Patterns Of The Mother
- Is There Hope?
- If You Cannot Go To The Courts What Can You Do?
- A Final Word
Helping Other Fight PAS
Leading Figures
Martin Seligman – Pioneer of Positive Psychology
"Positive Psychology"Amy Baker: Author, Researcher, Expert on Parental Alienation
"Parental Alienation Syndrome"Daniel Goleman – Leader in Emotional Intelligence
"Emotional Intelligence"Carl Rogers – Humanistic Approach To Psychology
"Humanism"William Bloom – Pioneer Of Modern Spirituality
"Spirituality"Helen Fisher – Anthropology And Relationships
"Anthropology"
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